Spinning Thoughts & Tales ~

it’s the ugly part

It has been almost two weeks since the “violent” (their words) man moved into the private room beside my mother.  Things have progressed into the ugly part of long-term care.

Residents with diminished cognitive powers can be quite vocal, violent, and/or act out sexually.  And… we have two out of three.  Just what I need, sexually explicit gestures  and raised voices directed at my mother and my niece.  Oh, and a blue grosgrain strap with a sign, “Do Not Enter” stretched across mother’s doorway.  Right.  That will keep him out.

 Lorna and Colleen were visiting when the “neighbour” pulled the strap away and proceeded to wheel into the room.  My niece who does not take any crap from anyone, (that’s my girl!), wheeled him around and told him he could not come in.  This happened three or four times, before, he yelled that she was a bad woman while gesturing with his hand and penis.  My niece turned  him around so fast, marched and wheeled the startled man to the nursing station, where she advised the staff to deal with this problem. 

The only solution is to sedate the man.  Thankfully, mother was quite calm about the whole thing.  My mother, she may be blind and sitting in a wheelchair, but, she can vocalize her disdain, her displeasure, her disgust at the system.  

Mama was in fine form on Sunday, she told Lorna to stand up straight and not to slouch.   Laughing, Lorna dutifully straightened her shoulders and faced the world.  That’s our mother!

Oh, right, they keep telling me she has dementia.  She may have a hitch in her thinking, but…she knows when things are not right.  Hmm, I believe I was told there would be a volunteer to read to her and spend time talking with her thus keeping her cognitive powers and speech active.  

And, how safe is she?  A strap across the doorway is not stopping the neighbour from wheeling in.  I can hear it now, the strident voice giving him bloody hell for coming in her room.

Now, it is my turn to put on my marching boots.  My mother, the matriarch who taught us to stand up straight and speak up for ourselves and take action.  Watch me go.


Comments on: "it’s the ugly part" (6)

  1. I’m so sorry that you’re having to do this. That we, as a society, don’t value our elders enough to keep them safe.

    I hope that you can get (and keep) your mom in a safe place.

    • Thanks Glynis ~ Mother has been safe until now. All I can do is monitor the situation and trust the staff will keep a watch on him. I loved the private long-term care home she was in. Sadly, it became too expensive. This is part of the hospital and less expensive. This aging, dying part of life is hard. The staff are trying to do the best they can within the system. We shall see. Thanks again for your concern. Appreciate it very much.

  2. lilacacres said:

    Here’s to you Carol, in your marching boots………prayers to you all



    • Thanks Pam – I am woman in army boots. Mom is doing fine. The strap has been removed. A stronger, wider, mesh barrier with a big STOP is velcroed to the door frame. He was going into the room of the woman across the hall too. Another mesh STOP barrier is on her room as well. I guess part of his difficulty is he has moved from another part of the building to Mom’s wing. It takes time to get the location of his new room in his mind. Still…… Thanks for your prayers and thoughts.

  3. Oh honey, I am so sorry to hear about this. I wish there was a way to make things better for you and your mom.

    • It is life isn’t. The ending of a long life is not pretty. I am going to ask if they can move him and then, again, another situation llike this may arise at another part of the building. If I had a million dollars, we could change this situation, have mom at home and pay for someone to be here. Oh, well.

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