..a special friend…

…another birthday…

A wonderful woman arrived in my life about 18 ago.  A very dear friend to me and our family, Jill,  or as I very affectionately call her “Jilly Bean.”  She is a wonder!  A very creative woman.  Jilly has a way with fabric, knits beautiful soft sweaters and other things, all works of art. 

We have walked around the seawall discussing life, loves, trials, and triumphs,  the best of times.  We stopped at the Sequoia for very long lunches or a snack.  (Once upon a time, it was the Tea House.)  Now we have to plan a day months in advance as we are both busy. 

Jilly works with women struggling with addictions.  She is loved and respected by many who know her.  The women at the center are blessed to have her on their side.  Strength in the face of adversity, Jilly Bean is a friend to lean on and to laugh with.  We have shared our deepest secrets, cried with sorrow, laughed with joy, smiled in awe at the birth of her grandbabies, beautiful grandbabies, and she gives me the best cards. 

Jilly, my sister-friend  ~ 

Cheers on your birthday today.    It is only a number. I’m right behind you, well, I’ll catch up, soon. 

 

…LT care homes, don’t want to go there…

…another draining visit

Mom is not doing very well.  Our visits-she is cranky, depressed and needs to drink more fluids.  I am tired, trying to keep her awake, drinking and eating drains my energy.  Today’s visit, Mama was sitting at a table with three small juice cups lined up like soldiers in front of her.  Care workers tried unsuccessfully to get the juice into her.  She was sleeping in her chair. 

 Now, we have been here before.  Afternoon visits coincide with afternoon naps, after all what else does she have to do, very few visitors, very few things she is capable of doing, very few activities she can or will attend.  What is a body to do? 

Life is so boring and lonely for Mom.  The policy of the care home is not to force a resident to do anything he/she does not want to do.  What can Mama do?  Not much.  Pretty much confined to the wheelchair or the bed.  Sundays are for the church service in the afternoon and visitors, special activities are not available, not that Mom would take part.  And, there you have it, stuck on a hamster wheel, spinning in an endless cycle of boring existence. 

Mom fights back with the only options available to her…frustration, anger and refusing to do anything ‘they’ want including eating and drinking.  So…she says, “no” or “shut up” even to her favourite aides or goes to sleep.  Depression.  Anger.  She is still here.  And “why doesn’t God take me home?”   All of which I cannot do much about.  Mom slept through her hair styling, almost half of her favourite book on tape,  finally drank her juice after much cajoling and sticking a straw in her mouth, woke up enough to eat half the soup, all the rice pudding and two pieces of chocolate.  Fun times.  We did listen to the rest of the book before I left.  Bedtime was thirty minutes away.  Yes, fun times were had by all. 

A bit melancholy myself tonight.  Aging and dying is a very long process for some people.  Long term care homes, I do NOT want to ever live in one.  Do not want to go there. No photo, too tired.  Hope your day was better.  Stay warm, loved and laugh.  Laughter is good.  Repeat after me, “ laughter is good, it is medicine to my soul.”  

…road trip, sort of…

Mom escaped the boredom of long term care facility…

Saturday, Dan, the nephew and I took mama to the White Spot restaurant in the mall, for a little pie and coffee.  Mom has not been outside for a while.  She is quite fearful of going out.  I think the prospect of pie and coffee with a healthy dose of fresh air helped, besides having one of her favourite grandsons push her chair.  It is always a shock to mama when she gets outside.  The constant 70 degree temperature does not prepare her for the cold of winter or the heat of summer. 

Dan and I had mushroom burgers for lunch, mama had lemon meringue pie and an excellent cup of coffee.  There was a huge line up to get in.  We pretty much by-passed the whole lot as there was only one table for a wheelchair, which, we snagged right away, as the people had just finished their lunch.  Yeah.  So good when you’re hungry.

The mall, always busy on a Saturday, full of noise, colours and very crowded.  It is always interesting to see the reactions of people to the elderly or handicapped person in a crowd.  Those taught to respect elders, step aside and wait for you to pass.  Those who do not or are too involved in their own personal journey tend to dismiss the concept of manners.  Oh well, one day. 

On Sunday, Dan spend a few minutes with his grandmother before I took him to the airport.  I put on mama’ s favourite book on tape – The Careful Man by Frederick Forsythe.   I was back with five minutes to spare before the end of side one.  Mama said she had a wonderful weekend.   It took just a little bit of time to make mama happy. 

Try to stay dry on the very wet coastland. The rains have descended upon us for the week.  It is just gray, gray, gray and wet.

Buy some fresh flowers.  Curl up with a good book and a cup of hot chocolate or tea or a nice glass of wine.

Stay warm and dry.

…another birthday…

..today is your birthday…

You know when you hear those songs, the syrupy songs about the years going by, the sounds of little feet, the opening and closing doors referring to time zipping by…it is true.  Time does have a way of speeding past once you pass a certain moment on your lifeline.  

...somewhere in Europe...

Today, our son, you know the one, the family calls the athlete, has a birthday today.   He has athletic talents, sure, played high level sports, but, he is so much more than that.  The first-born is outgoing, center of the action, the learned one, the teacher, traveler, husband to his beautiful wife.  He is kind, caring and loving.  Oh, yeah, funny, a wry wit, loves food and cooks.  He got the cooking gene.  Knows the important food groups and the accompanying beverage.  A thirst for knowledge.  Up for a challenge.  Tells great tales at a party.  He is so witty.  Right, and, did I mention, handsome.  Time really has flown by.  Cheers, much love, happiness, joy and contentment to you.

What sounds better-12053 days or…33?  How are the knees?

 

Very good company, Elvis Presley, David Bowie, Stephen Hawking, Emily Greene Balch, all born on this day, not bad, two musicians, a nobel peace prize winner, and a theoretical physicist. 

…hopes, dreams, plans…

so very glad 2009 is over…

I find it quite unbelievable how fast the years go by.  Has time sped up?  Or… am I just thinking too much about age and the effects of aging?   Usually, age is just a number, but this past year brought reality front and center.  In February, I tripped over the vacuum, tearing the meniscus in the left knee, in August, a rotator cuff injury while weight training, a car accident in September, thankfully, no injuries, and faced a few truths.  Sunday, we celebrated 35 years of marriage and I would do it again, with just a  few minor changes.  We won the lottery with our boys and our daughters in law.  Now, for the hopes, dreams and plans.

Hoping for a healthy year.  Dreaming new dreams and planning to see them come true.   Oh, yeah, and getting rid of the stuff.  I suppose I should pretend I am downsizing and moving onto water front property and it all has to be done in a TIMELY manner.  Yes, that will work.  

Hoping politicians will actually work together. Oh, I forgot, pride, money, and party politics get in the way.

Hoping the crazies will stop.

Dreaming calm & common sense prevail. 

Dreaming of renewed strength.

Planning for a safe and happy year.

To begin 2010, a beautiful Australian sunrise.   I hope, your hopes, dreams and plans come true.

…was it good for you…the holidays…

…the 25th, was it good for you?

I hope so!   For many, the expectations are low, thus, no disappointments.  I am assuming it is a form of self-protection.    We do not have any kiddies running around, only the adult kiddies.   We have fun.  Dan, the nephew, arrived just in time for dinner.  He had a stop over in Vancouver before flying to Thailand.  His very first trip to another continent.  Yeah, Dan.  You will have such a wonderful time.  The wonders of the world, the sights, the sounds, the smells, the traditions, the cultures, and the people, all waiting to be discovered.  He will come back to Canada with tales to tell.   When he returns, we will visit Mama.  Mama had quiet day on the 25th, I curled her hair and we ate chocolates.  How good is that – chocolate.  The dark stuff with nuts.  All the time.

So…back to the day, when your kiddies are married, you must share, which is good.  It is all good.  Present time was just after noon.  The stocking is the best part.  Don’t you agree?   (Especially if you have a really good Santa, who loves to find wonderful things.) 

Silly Santa gave us all “Instakilt” beach towels, for our big vacation next year.

  How funny are these towels?  That Santa, where does she find this stuff?

  

  

  

  

The other Canadian lad in his kilt and Hudson Bay scarf wound around his neck.

Can’t get any more Canadian than this.  The scarf is based on the famous Hudson Bay Company blanket.  Very Canadian.  Very historical!    Santa, baby, what are you going to find for 2010? 

After a great dinner with the best stuffing ever, we rested our tums for a bit.  It was story time, I read  from Steve’s book – I’m a Lebowski, You’re a Lebowski.  I read the interviews with the actors.   A very funny book.   Not for those who can’t take irreverent humour or f-bombs or the Coen Brothers movies.   

Many books were under the tree, again.  A good book can transport you to a wonderful world, away from all the troubles of this old one.  Read a great book.  You will feel better.   Santa put some serious “pulp” fiction in my stocking .  All  mysteries.   The titles are No Nice Girl,  Pardon My Body and I’ll Bury My Dead.   The covers are just wild – very 50’s.  The tag lines are…”a tough expose of the American underworld,” “ hard, tough, and dangerous,”  and “she was nice in many ways…”   Seriously, a good read or a cheesy read.  We’ve all been there.

And, now for the single malt…which one is blue label…

To end the evening… we did not sing carols. The family does not sing together!  We had a scotch tasting.  12 Bottles, 12 sips, 12 guesses, well… it did progress to a little more than 12 sips each.   Single Malt, and a few blended brands and one from Quebec with a touch of maple syrup.  How Canadian!  Actually it was quite tasty.  It was all in fun to see if the Big Guy could pick out the Blue Label.  He did.  Of course, true scotch drinkers can taste the difference.     Lagavulin 16 years, the Glens – livet, morangie, fiddichs, Blue Label, Caol Ila, Aberlour 10, Ardbeg, JB, Chivas 18,  Tyrconnell, the Irish whiskey and Balvenie 12.   I could not find the Ardbeg - the wee beast.  Sold out everywhere.  No Jameson, they know that one.   Good “peaty” single malts are the favourites, the Blue Label and Glenfiddich Solera.  The girls and I like the bottle from Quebec.  We are Canadians, the maple leaf, maple syrup, and hockey.  We girlies do not drink scotch, we just watch and have a good laugh with the guys.

Scotch is such an acquired taste.  The peaty stuff just doesn’t do it for me.   The discussion then turned to which one would be best with cigars.  Thankfully, no cigars.  Such a party poop.  Save that for the outside summer tasting.  When word gets out we had another tasting, well, let’s just say…this was for family, you can come for the summer taste and bring your own glass and scotch.  

Caveat - in case you were wondering and for those who think we are drinking way too much.  Not so.  We are very responsible drinkers, when and if we drink.  For a couple of you, we are not going straight to hell, we just had a fun night. 

I hope life throws only good stuff your way next year.   I am looking forward to a “no injuries” and I do not want any more ”well,  you are getting older, you are going to get aches.”   Enough.  Just enjoy life and have many, many laughs.  Laugh lines are good, it means you are happy.

…Christmas decorations, there are rules…

Apparently there are rules… 

Who knew!  There are rules or it is implied, there are rules as to when the decorations should be up.  And, apparently, we must have a tree.  I had the temerity to suggest, we not put up a tree this year, upon which, a great cry was heard on the coastland.  So … off we went to the tree farm to cut down our own tree, which, was a great adventure with one of our little people friends.  Kaden helped us, almost 3 years old and very discerning in choosing the perfect tree.    

The poor tree is in the stand and not one decoration upon it’s green needles.  So sad, not a light, not a bauble, not a trinket, not a star, not an angel, nor a bell, nor a shiny ball in sight.  You see there are rules, if you have a tree, especially one cut down with your very own hands, you must decorate and in a timely manner.  There are RULES.   I need a “time coupon” to decorate.  Tomorrow is the 24th, so much to do.  The bird to buy, the stuff to make, the presents to wrap and the stockings to be hung.  The candlelight service!   Much to do. Some friends have had their decorations up since November 30th?!  So… apparently, I have broken the rules.  So… think of me decorating like a mad woman tomorrow, well, just a little bit of craziness before the family day on Friday.  Enjoy your holidays with family and friends, think of those who are shut in, shut out, lost and homeless.  Again, we made a donation to Covenant House to assist in getting young people off the cold streets.  The food bank and the Salvation Army kettles were filled each time we went past.  Uncertain times for many who are not as blessed as we are.   

 I will have breakfast with mom on Christmas morning, as she does not come home.  For her dessert, yes, there is dessert for breakfast…a few pieces of chocolate.  The highlight of her day. 

 

There is a wonderful tradition  in Germany, everywhere, people gather in the town squares celebrating the season. 

 

 In Munich we saw blocks of little “huts” filled with food, toys, decorations, and the most amazing handcrafts.  My favourites were the hand carved nativity sets and the Nutcracker.  I bought two and worth every eruo.

 

 

 Enjoy your Christmas Day on Friday. 

Spent it with those you love, think of and help  feed those in hunger, hug the lonely, and think of all your blessings, big or small,  for the bed, the roof, and the food, for there are those with less.

Be blessed.  May your dreams for the future come true. 

 Be safe, be warm, and be loved.

…mama’s 94th birthday tea…

Wednesday, December 16th, the official 94th birthday…

A birthday celebration on the 13th for mom.  This sometimes cranky writer and keeper of mama, was very happy to see all the family arrive.  I cannot take credit for the idea, the big guy suggested we rent a room and just do it.  I, on the other hand, was feeling cross with you all.  I did not have faith in you.  I thought you would be too busy with the season. And, what did my wonderous eyes behold, ta da… everyone arrived with smiles.  Larry, a most wonderful grandson, travelled the greatest distance.  Well done, Larry.  Ferry travel is so tedious, back and forth to the Island. 

Stats ~  2 daughters, 1 son, 1 daughter-in-law, 1 son-in-law,  7 grandchildren, 6 grandchildren-in-laws, 3 great-grandchildren, 1 niece and 1 nephew.   Thank you for making mother’s 94th birthday a wonderful memory for mama.  Pats on back, hugs, and kisses to you. You have redeemed yourselves. 

Mama loves  the turkish delight, chocolates, flowers, more chocolates, dusting powder, a Christmas CD – Andre Bocelli, Irish linen lavender sachet for the dresser, body butter, and more chocolates.  The cake was chocolate too with cream filling.  So chocolate, chocolate, chocolate all around, all the time, that should spike the blood sugar. 

Mama’s 90th birthday, we rented a room in a fancy hotel with lots of Christmas decorations, a huge buffet, and many relatives to celebrate the milestone.  Sadly, mom is a bit fearful to venture outside or very far from her room.  So…the big conference room was the venue.   A sad little tree and no pictures on the wall.  What a difference four years has made.  The first photo is mama at 90 wearing her blue suit and favourite blouse.   From regular clothing to adaptive clothing, which, you do not want to wear.  Trust me.   Man or woman – you do not want to end up wearing adaptive clothing.   No style.  No shape.  Ugly fabric and patterns.  Stay healthy!

A photo gallery for your viewing pleasure, thank you family! 

I will get this photo insert thing correct one day, for now, 2 photos of the cake.  Thanks Family!!

…a birthday or two…

Today is your birthday…

A couple of birthdays today…the big guy and uncle John.  So, doesn’t  everyone have an “Uncle John?”    Uncle John is up there in the eighties and the big guy…he will never tell.  So a very happy birthday to the big guy and to Uncle John. 

I am actually going to cook something great tonight and on Sunday, for a family dinner.  (Two times in one week, what am I thinking?)   I think beef bourguignon.  A great meal on a cold wintery day.  We can cozy up to the fire, have a glass or two and celebrate life.  

A few cousins are coming to celebrate mama’s birthday on Sunday.  I am very pleased.  As you know, it is difficult not to get snarky at people for not visiting mama.  (Maybe, if I am really nice, Santa will bring me the south sea earrings in Birks.  What!  I can be nice!)

Stay warm, stay safe and most of all, stay loved!

…afternoon Christmas tea party…

Christmas carols, Christmas songs, Christmas cookies, and Santa

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon with mama at the annual Christmas tea party.  Sadly, not as many relatives and friends attended this year.   I realised more residents had passed as several more familiar faces were missing.   I arrived early to snag a parking spot.  Thankfully, one was waiting  just for me.  Thank you! 

Coiffed by moi, we were ready for the party.  It is always interesting to watch people interact with each other, especially when physical and mental challenges are so prevalent.  A lovely woman’s daughter, grand-daughter, and great-grand-daughter came for tea.  The presence of the baby girl brought smiles and clapping hands from residents who are usually very quiet.  The little one with chubby cheeks brought a spark of life into very sad and tired eyes.

Mom enjoyed the cookies and  a good cup of coffee.   Institutional coffee-the reason I bring a  good tall latte or no whip mocha.  I shudder just thinking of the swill.  So … back to the party.  Santa and his elf  brought presents and cheer.    Mom said to me that one of the workers is named Noel.  Noel was Santa.  Really, his name is Noel.  He is a great, able to get mom to cheer up and smile.  A good day for mom.

Sunday, wait for it…the family is coming to celebrate mom’s 94th birthday.  Mom said, “How old will I be again?”  “94, mom.”  She is so surprized she is still here.  Well, at least, she did not ask me why she has not died yet…life’s mystery.  As the boys state, “sheer willpower.”